eltoozero

Distractions

2002-05-20T06:37:39Z

Don't waste time, or it'll waste you. Words I'm living by...screw you.

Sorry for the 'screw you', but I think you deserved it.

- El Toozero

Sucky morning :)

2002-04-17T01:51:39Z

So this morning sucked, well, it didn't all suck...but most of it...it at the very least ruined the parts that didn't suck.

Anyway, so I'm driving to work, going up toward the freeway, and my fucking car just dies...like, RPM drop...no power. Drag, so I pull over, no big deal at that point, we're not going fast, and there's no traffic, so it's not an emergency or anything...which is good.

Tried starting the thing up, whirrs at me...so we wait a few...try again, more whirr...ok...so we'll pop the hood, as if either of us could do any good, but I did it anyway...if for no other reason, then just to make sure there's no cats or brains under there.

There's not, we wait, nuthin'...call home, yadda yadda got my mom out there with the handy dandy *Triple 'ehhh!!'* card. Got her (the car, not my mom), towed back to my house, borrowed her car and got to work...we weren't even that late, but it still sucked.

I'm still not pissed off about it...

- ElToozero :)~

Far too l33t

2002-04-16T01:56:01Z

I'm updating my journal from the bathtub...not to worry, I'm decent. Getting my hair dyed black before I get a cut. I'm planning on getting it done blue, but not until I can find a supplier of Fudge dye. :/

Oh, and I've lost 60 lbs on my diet so far. Feels gravy. :D

- ElToozero

I miss picking my nose

2002-04-05T02:11:51Z

Having your septum pierced is great and all...but god damn does it feel good to get that thing out of there and let your finger give it a once (or twice) over.

I'm having a good day, damn the torpedoes!

- ElToozero

F U C K Y O U

2002-02-08T00:35:00Z

Fuck this shit, fuck you, and fuck it.

I hate this, this is not fun, this is not who, where, or what I want to be, this is not what I'm about, and this is not what I'm going to stand for anymore.

Go fuck yourself.

eltoozero @ 2001-11-28T17:24:00

2001-11-29T01:25:31Z

Timing is everything.

I'm at work, I sit down at my desk, put on my headphones...and Lamb - Gorecki comes on launchcast...perfect timing.

Sometimes I feel spoiled.

Labret?

2001-11-24T09:07:05Z

Should I get my Labret done?

(silly fake pics)

- El Toozero

Henna.

2001-11-24T09:01:33Z

Getting better...

More Info

- El Toozero

eltoozero @ 2001-11-21T21:14:00

2001-11-22T05:42:40Z

I need a muse, any shape or form will do. I try to use my goals as their own inspiration for things...but they always seem to be a bit out of reach, or they always get discounted when other things come up.

I need _something_. Something within' reach, that I can work for.

A goal is one thing, but it always seems either understated or overstated, regardless of weather it is or not, because it's a goal, it's either too much or not enough. That binary state of "goals", have turned me off to them lately.

I keep creating these carrots for me to chase around, but when I finally accomplish what I've set out to do, the original intent seems lost. And in the process, another goal is born.

Perhaps it's because they're artificial...created by me, rather then fate...but doesn't fate dictate our actions as well? And if so, is that an excuse for me to be lethargic, and simply, lounge around until a reason comes around? Hardly.

I may be kidding myself, I'll admit, other than little gripes, I'm fairly happy where I am right now...I understand how the natural course of things go along...change comes, you either accept it, or you drown in it. Sink or swim, right and wrong, live or die, yes or no, black or white, 1 or 0. Too many things are binary.

Little gripes...small things I know I need to get done, but for what, so I can see something else is wrong? Find another goal? I know we don't live in a utopia, and I accept that...but I digress, I'm using it as an excuse for lethargy.

I'm bored with yes and no. There's more to life than the decisions we make, and what we do and don't do, but it's the 1's and 0's of the insignificance, that create the color picture we see. I can't see the picture because I live in the decisions...I need to get beyond that...I need help...I need a muse.

</realjournal>

Life update

2001-11-09T07:07:35Z

Ahem, alright, lets see...

I've been at this job a year now, I still like the people, I still tolerate the shitty tools, and the people are still very cool...I swear I'd hate this place if they weren't here.

I've got a car now, a '97 Toyota Camry, she's dark grey...I love that car...I ripped out the stock cd player and stuck in a Pioneer DEH-3300, new Pioneer 3 way 6 1/2's in the front, and new Pioneer 2 way 6x9's in the back...still waiting on a sub. I've also got the MP3 Player installed, but I'm waiting to buy the "wired remote", so it'll be complete.

I'm still living at home, which I don't mind, we're finally working on the addition, and I'll finally have a wall!!!!!

I'm planning on moving out soon, not exactly sure how soon...but soonish.

I smoke now, I've mentioned it, but I'll mention it again, I still smoke. I've even got a neat cig. case I made out of a broken motherboard...I'm pretty sure my obsession with Zippo's made me start smoking. DAMN YOU!

Um, I'm still wearing black, but I've made the enourmous step of wearing long sleeves...first different thing I've worn in 5 years...I've also purchased a necklace with a leo (as in astrology) symbol on it, it's cool, I generally use it to hang my sunglasses off of...good enough.

I've retired my geeky watch, and am now sporting a newer timex model, which in fact:

a) tells the time

Sweet.

At this point, I'm pretty happy, I'm pretty comfortable, no real complaints.

I've also had a relationship (start to finish) since I've last updated my live journal...damn that was funky. Her name was Priscilla. Long story short: she was going out with 2 other guys at the same time as me, she broke up with me, we all turned on her (all 3 guys), and that blew up in our faces, because now her and guy #1 are still together. Whatever, I learned my lesson, had some fun, end of story.

Now, it's gotten out that I like my sister's friend Jennifer, this is a totally recent thing, we'll see how that pans out...cause I think it could actually be pretty cool, but it's on her now.

Anyway, so that's my life up to date I suppose.

eltoozero @ 2001-11-08T22:42:00

2001-11-09T06:43:39Z

30 mins to go, and I could use a smoke...

So I like my sister's friend Jennifer, sue me. Yea, you heard it, I like her...

We'll talk later.

nostalgia

2001-05-23T06:03:15Z

just looking at some of my older journal entries...funny, I smoke now, I hated smoking, I smoke socially, because I'm non-social (not anti-socail), and I need an excuse to talk to people. I figure I'll get burnt out (no pun) on smoking, just like i did on cloves (the smell makes me cringe).

I use ")()(())))()" too much...and '...' too much...I need to get over that.

Not listening to music, because I left my goddamn headphones at home :(

Shit, get off my chest...

2001-05-23T05:33:23Z

I haven't been using live journal...why? Because I think it's a moral pissing contest. I like the concept of a journal, but not the the concept of a public one, especaially one your friends can read, _especailly_ when they're the one's you're writing about.

Then again, having people comment on your life can be productive sometimes...so I guess the result is nill...if only there was a way to block friends from reading it...hmmm.

Anyway, I usually keep a digital journal on my handspring visor...but I figured I'd give this a shot one more time.

Now to the issue at hand...I was feeling lonely recently (like, for the past year or so). I thought about it a lot, at least every day. I don't know why, but the other day I whipped out my journal and I wrote about it...got it off my chest as it were. You know what, I wish I had done it way sooner, I feel much better now that I don't have to think about it.

It came to me:
I have a job, I have money (not currently, but that's only cause paypal doens't like me.), I'm pretty damn smart, my life has direction, etc, etc...so why am I bitching just cause I don't have a girl. Shit, who am I, I have way more than most people in this world...and I'm complaining.

So yea, why worry about it.

eltoozero @ 2000-10-09T00:09:00

2000-10-09T07:14:40Z

Got paid, that's kind of neat, I'm still determined to buy a car with this money tho, not going to spend it all on crap I don't need. I did break down and buy a CD I've wanted for awhile though: William Orbit, Pieces in a Modern Style. It's classical, but done with a little electronica thrown in, a very nice cd, as if I didn't already like classical enough already.

Anyway, I went to go see that Rocky Horror Picture Show thing. You'd think a movie with so many words in the title would have more than one that applied. Honestly, _the_ single, most terrible movie I've ever seen. Tim Curry was better in McHales navy. AND THEY KILLED LIL' NELL! As if I didn't hate the thing enough before, they had to make it that much worse. And don't even get me started on the live action portion.

I gotta stop talking about it, Beelzebub is getting ansy. Gotta respect the kittie, he's got good taste in movies.

Starting a bank account tommorrow, that's going to be cool.

eltoozero @ 2000-10-04T22:53:00

2000-10-05T05:55:44Z

I'm content with the fact that the largest obstacle in my life right now is that I can't have what I want for dinner.

I had a 6 page short story due tommorrow, so I added some crap to an older story, and emailed it off to my teacher...I think it'll net me at least a C, which is tolerable considering it wasn't that great in the first place.

Anyway, work is cool, gave my little headset boom a "scifi twist". I get comments left and right on my eggplant caddy, which is cool. Answered 12 calls, solved all of them, which gave me a heaping helping of satisfaction.

Life is good, dinner si SUX!

eltoozero @ 2000-10-04T10:56:00

2000-10-04T18:01:00Z

Wooo, takin' calls, pretty spiffy I must say. Getting the damn tools working properly is a bitch, but once they're up, and once they're working, its a breeze.

I'm going to enjoy this job. Even without the benefits, the being in my element, and the cheap soda, the people seem very cool. I find my self in a good position being 18 and just out of High School :) I knew being a loser in HS would pay off, and I do mean pay off $ ;D.

Speaking of money, I get my first paycheck on thursday, and start my bank account this weekend. Once I do that, save up for ~3 months, and I get me a spakin' new 2001 corolla. Get a nice little Aphex Twin sticker centered on the back window, and I'll have myself a nice little ride.

Ah, enough about me. I'm having too much fun.

Well, fuck that.

2000-10-03T04:01:51Z

So, matt over there doesn't like the fact that we don't like his liking of smoking huh... I could really care less, but what I don't appreciate is the implication that I am propagandized to by TV, thats a bucnha crap. I think smoking is a disgusting and putrid habit, not because I saw it on TV, but because I know people who have died of smoking.

If your way of rebeling against TV or society or whatever, is stinking, having dirty teeth, and well, killing yourself, well then have a ball doing it. If having a hole in your tounge is how you want to make yourself unique, well then, go for it, but if anyone should be talking about propaganda, its him, because he's propagandizing to everyone else, which makes him no better, and really no different than TV, society, or his little cancer sticks.

I honestly don't mind hanging out with the guy, if he just weren't so pompus (I'm one to talk), and if he just didn't act so damn esoteric, he's just like everyone else...its that simple.

eltoozero @ 2000-10-01T14:54:00

2000-10-01T22:12:07Z

Finished moving matt into his new temporary place, thanks to a table of mine, a chair of mine, buncha my calbling, my wireless video trancievers, and my l33t-ness, he's got himself quite a pad, for now.

Interesting, that house (which is new, but not _that_ new) has phone wiring done in what appears to be CAT5, which is very odd, but could be entirely beneficial. If thats some soft of new standard for wiring, all i would have to do to set up a house-wide LAN, is to do a little bit of wiring at the box, build a closet/server, and change a few jacks, and viola, instant access in _every_ room, with no in-wall-intervention of mine, god that's bitchen.

SDSL + file server/mp3 player + x-10 + stereo + shit-load of computers + LAN-on-the-toilet = L33t like Star Trek.

I wonder if I can take my kittie Beelzebub with me when I move out... he's so cute.

Heavy.

2000-09-30T07:37:04Z

Heavy.

Just had a talk with a friend, she asked what I was afraid of...I thought spiders, the light, stuff like that, but then I realized that I'm not afraid of that stuff. What I am afraid of is love, or more specifically the lack of it.

I have friends, sure they're great to hang out with and such, but I don't have, and I don't think I ever really have had anyone to truly _love_. I made the point that one sided love is nothing but an admiration, or more extremly, an obsession. I don't do obsession, never really liked calogne.

I think that really is what I need at this point in my life, someone to relate to, something to love. I've got everything I've ever wanted, but I still feel empty in that respect.

Another friend of mine says I need to get laid. I'm not really concerned with sex right now, I need physical contact, yes, but I don't _need_ sex. Physical contact is a funny thing, once you realize that your stuffed bunny isn't going to protect you, you're on your own. Sometimes I wish I never would have found out, sometimes I think if things stay the way they are, forgetting wont be so hard.

eltoozero @ 2000-09-28T13:15:00

2000-09-28T20:18:39Z

Whoa, I just made 35 bucks guys. Lets check my goals:

Long term: Take over the world.
Mid term: Pass ELN training.
Short term: Put something funny here.

Farscape tommrrow...mmm, I think its marathon too.

So hungry, yet so broke, yet so fat.

eltoozero @ 2000-09-28T13:10:00

2000-09-28T20:10:12Z

New journal, k, this is neat. Sitting here in training for Earthlink tech support with MunchE, deviation, and crackhedmo. Sounds interesting, no promises on keeping it updated though.

I rock, I've got the highest average for the tests in this training so far. I should win a prize, I feel cheated.